my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
