he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
