I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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