Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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