fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
