hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
