I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
