i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
