I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
