I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
