Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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