Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
