Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize