I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
