I must be too annoying 4 u.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
