I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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