Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
wow bdsm is so cute
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
