Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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