Jerry, you need to find god
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
