Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I intend to get homeless drunk
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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