Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
