i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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