we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
