I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
