She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
