Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
