six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
