who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
