Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
you never un-have a 4some
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
