oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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