Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize