Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
True college students do jello shots in the library
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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