I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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