Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
bring money and cleavage
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
