the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
