I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
