Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
well most of my day revolves around power hour
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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