fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
