Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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