Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
