i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
