I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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