Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
