I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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