I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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