A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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