Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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