he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
