After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
