Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
