And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
