apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
