There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
