I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
