It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
