at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
