just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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