I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
