Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize