I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I don't deserve a penis
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
