Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
