I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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