It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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