How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
