Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize