Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My cat gives me a boner
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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