OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
