i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
