I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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