your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
