I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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