4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
