Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
