he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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