Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
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I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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