More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
