I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
There r osticjed everywhere
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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