yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
