And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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