Having a random hookup so left but love u
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
