Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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