We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
