I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
