Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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